LIX – (Actually, It Bites…)

Balldrip grunted as he dragged his burden into the rooms. "I have done your bidding, Mistress," he wheezed.

"Good, good, put it up there," Linda pointed to her bed. "Then run out and acquire a circular saw blade."

"Right away." Balldrip hoisted Mother Superiority Complex's bathtub onto the bed, then leaped out the window.

"Good," she crooned to The Ring of Tuth the Whacko. "Now all we need is an industrial strength blender..."

The Ring gleamed in anticipation.

The door burst open, and Mother Superiority Complex stood silhouetted in the hall. "And what do you think you're doing, child?"

Linda glanced up from the Ring. "Shut up, bitch."

Mother Superiority Complex stood shocked for a moment. Then she charged into the room. "That is enough of that, young lady..!"

Balldrip leaped through the second story window and threw a burden into the corner. "Done, Milady."

"What da hell?" asked Bob Villah from the corner, beneath the wreckage of his radial arm saw. This wasn't Bob's day, what with Balldrip and that ridiculous pair in the prison.

Mother Superiority Complex was going into shock - stroke - multiple seizures - and even a wart. Nonetheless she was effectively catatonic.

"Balldrip, you fiend of hell... I want you to dismember her a joint at a time."

"With vivisective vitality, Milady!" And he hopped to it.

Balldrip wielded the radial saw blade and crept toward Mother Superiority Complex. Placing his index finger through the center hole of the blade, he drooled with thoughts of his task. He twirled the disk on his finger and grinned. He stopped the spinning with his other hand and screamed...

"CONNNTACT!!!!"

A flip of the wrist and the saw blade reached a steady speed of 3,050,002.654099877540½ RPM.

But Mother Superiority Complex had recovered, and pulled a Titanium Cored Quarterstaff (only $12.95 at False Hardware) and twirled it from hand to hand. Sparks sprayed the room as the weapons met, and the antagonists leapt into combat positions, Balldrip in an inverted Drunken Monkey and Mother Superiority Complex in, naturally, the Missionary Exposition.

"That's it, I'm outta here," said Bob Villah, who proceeded to jump out the window.

Linda perched on the edge of the tub and watched with glee as Balldrip and Mother Superiority Complex spun, parried, feinted, and pressed for the advantage. Neither could find one.

Mother Superiority Complex got past Balldrip's guard and poked him above the left eye. But she hadn't counted on his unusual construction; the impact swiveled him about his hips/shoulders, and he used the momentum to flip his feet up to grasp the ceiling. He ran along the ceiling and Frisbee-threw the saw blade between Mother Superiority Complex's left and right hemispheres.

The blade boomeranged back to Baldrips finger, and he lurched down the wall to the corpse. Picking up the left hand, he started to dissect his victim joint by joint.

"No, no, no!" screamed Linda. "In the tub! We need the blood, you miscreant miscellanea of viscera!"

`Try saying that three times fast,' muttered the Ring of Tuth the Whacko.

Balldrip flipped the parts into the tub.

"Excellent. Now go out and get me an Industrial Strength Mixer, while I take care of the Sisters in the Convent for Sexually Impossible Women who Only Moan for Credit."