Guido jumped his remote control Lamborghini over an electronic engineering text book just as a message dropped into the room through the PMS (Pneumatic Messaging System... what the hell did you think we meant?) and landed at his feet. Opening the tube, he pulled out a scroll with a wax seal. He placed the seal on his mantle over the fireplace with the figurines of the buffalo and the musk ox, and unfurled the scroll.
"God damn, anothah small claimsa case! I'm startin’ to feel like-a Wopner an' his barrel a' legal sea monkies!"
Glancing further down the page he came to the legal eagles of Skippy and the representative of the Dark One as TBA.
"TBA? What da hell is dat? Some kinda disease?"
Upon skimming the charges, he couldn't help but fall to the floor in a fit of inexorable laughter. ISO was not pleased, as this wasted several feet of otherwise useful audiotape.
Time kept moving around and around and around and around and around and around and...
Your ugly phone rings...
It rings again...
Answer it you idiot!
"Hi there, for a mere three thousand dollars you too can learn of the Plot to End All Plots, Schemes, Conspiracies, Stories, and Narratives. Bury money today, and..."
Never mind. Hang it up.
"No! Don't hang up! We've also got a special offer on bamboo steamers, ginsu knives, and Ed McMahon! Act now, and Billy Bob Shakespeare will put you in his next play! There's no time to spend wisely! Get off your duff and into the stuff!"
Now he's got you. We told you to hang up.
"You too can lose up to 3000 pounds and your watch if you act now! It's never too late to get started on the career of someone else’s choice. Have your parents shipped to Sudan! Get homeless people to do your homework cheap! Send Cheque or Money Order..."
"Ordah, ordah in da court! Dis 'ere's a cease an d'sist ordah, so shaddap!"
"Just call us back at our 1-900 number and for just a dollar a minute we'll put you on hold for up to three hours and force you to donate hundreds of criminal organisations, such as the United Way, and laugh at the IRS when they come to your door after we turn you inside out for tax fraud. Call anytime, anywhere, and anybody. Operators are buried up to the neck. Don't delay, or its a five yard penalty. Call 1-900-478-8743. Do it today, don't delay or it's your dismay when we charge you anyway."
Now he's rapping! Hang up the damn phone you fool!
"First ten callers get their heads blown CLEAN OFF by Stormin' Normin'. While supplies last, first come first pregnant, some states may not apply, only in Wisconsin on a thursday. Have a nice light year."
<CLICK>
Oh sure... Now it's too late!
Weren't you paying attention? Its never too late to start someone else's family.
