The Dark One sat tapping his fingers on the obsidian slab which was his desk.
"Why don't you tell me about these things? You project some chestless chick this ring and you don't even mention it!"
"I forgot about it."
"Forgot? This is like forgetting to put away the self destruct control when you have the suicide club in for tea on your interstellar battle cruiser. You're going to have to concentrate, buddy boy. Or is the lack of sunlight affecting your memory?"
"I can't even control the girl - she's become the purest form of evil itself and I don't know what can control it."
"Y'know, your foresight leaves much to be desired. And as usual, I'm the one who has to clean up the mess. This is great. I'm in a good mind to disappear for a millennia or two."
"Like that would be a big loss!"
"Oooh, how cutting. Tell me, did you write dialogue for MASH?"
"It's not like you're helping me! I've gotten more help from that stupid ring than I have out of you! I'm trying to control the entire world for Christ's sake!"
"Interesting epithet. Anyway, how well do you think Linda dearest would have done if I hadn't set up that `The Queen is an Imposter' schtick? She would have waltzed in and been thrown out of court for contempt, and you would have been out five hundred bucks. Control the world my ass."
"What ass?"
"Exactly."
"I have a set plan for taking over the entire world and controlling it from one central position."
"Of course you do, you just keep forgetting the important parts. Anything else you've forgotten about? You wouldn't happen to have left the GEM OF KARNATH (well stirred music) or Hastur the Unspeakable lying around, would you?"
"THE GEM OF KARNATH? (beginning to sound silly music) That stoopid rock couldn't conjure it's way out of a paper bag! I should know, since I hid it in one for over 30 years. Thus, I just abandoned him to a lost cavern on Mars. As for Hastur, as long as his mother is alive, I don't see him as being much of a threat."
"Maybe so, but that old broad's going to get pulled in on a traffic violation eventually, and then where will you be? And I guess you haven't even got a clue how THE GEM works, do you?"
"Ummm... Uhhh... Ummmn... Hmmmm... What do you do with it?"
"You expect me to tell you? So you can write it down and leave the notes lying about for Sturmgosse and the AI's to pick up? Yeah, right. I guess there's only one thing to do."
"What?"
"Sit down and go over this plan of yours. Let's see what else you've neglected to mention."
"You can't."
"No, but you can."
"Oh, so now you want me to do things for you?"
"Want my help or not?"
"You haven't been any help so far, and I don't take orders from anyone! I'm The Dark One for Christ's sake!"
"Point One: If you'd followed my advice, you would have had Moon Runner. Point Two: I'm not anyone, I'm no one, so by definition you take orders from me. Point Three: shouldn't that be either the Old Messiah's or the New Messiah's sake?"
"Isn't Christ the Old Messiah?"
"I'm not sure. I think that whole WWF rip-off was to see who got rights to the name. Anyway, do you want my help or not? Like you said, it's no great loss if I'm not here."
"I doubt that you would ever go away anyways."
The room was silent.
"Are you there?"
The Dark One sat listening to the echoes of his voice dying away.
"Thank god! Now I can get on with my plans!"
"Thank who?"
"I can thank myself once in a while. I thought I told you to go away!"
"Oh, well if that's the way you're going to be, I'm here for the duration, bucko."
"Great! Just like a plague."
"Yes, wonderful, isn't it?"
"Actually you're worse than a plague!"
"I should get you to write my PR."
"Well, at least plagues kill you after a while!"
The Voice snickered satisfyingly.
