Nameless One Jr and the GEM OF KARNATH (another belt of stirring music) delved ever deeper into the caverns of Mars, searching for The Nameless One. The rock arched and molded overhead, dripping down in stalactites and vaulting high above into caverns no human had ever seen.
"So, your Dad, what's he look like?"
"Well, he's real big..."
"I imagined he would be."
They wandered even deeper and walked past a sign that said "Core" and then they started to walk shallower.
"I wonder why there are no other beings down here?" pondered the GEM.
"Yeah, and it's awful hot too. Maybe... my father... he ate them."
"What else does your father eat?"
"Most insects over 10 feet tall. And you know... My friend Billy told me... that babies... they come from... water taps."
"Billy is a confused boy."
"He says that they stay moist that way."
"Whatever."
"You know what else?"
"I know your cousin Tammy had an operation to get the bee-hive off her head."
"Gee, you're good."
"Of course, I'm the GEM OF KARNATH." (yet another blast of some-what appropriate stirring music).
"Says you."
"Blow it out your ear, kid."
They continued through the cavern until they reached another cavern that was completely dark. Water dripped, dripped, dripped from somewhere, making Nameless Jr think again about where babies came from. An ill wind blew through the caves on its way to a medical clinic.
"Gee," said Nameless Jr, "who turned out the lights?"
"Is that damn Voice around here?" asked THE GEM OF KARNATH. (That music can't stay stirring forever, y'know.)
"Who?"
"Oh, uh, never mind. So, what next?"
"Well, maybe we should call my father."
"Okay, what's his name?"
Nameless Jr looked at THE GEM.
"Right, forget I asked. So how do you call him."
"Like this. DAD!"
From the depths of darkness came a rumbling so vast, so hideous, so unspeakable, it could only be ******.
[Hey, give us a break. We aren't supposed to talk about Hastur the Unspeakable... whoops.]
Another growl erupted from the darkness and a deep menacing voice thundered towards them saying "What?"
"Grandma's got lunch ready."
"Humph... I'll be down in a minute."
"You mean we're looking for this guy because it's lunch time?" asked THE GEM.
"Well it is. C'mon Dad, it's gonna get cold."
"I'm in the middle of something," said Hastur. [we broke the rules already, so we may as well keep naming the bugger.]
"Okay, but Grandma won't like it."
Hastur grumbled in his cave and said, "Oh, alright, I'm coming."
With that, Nameless Jr turned around and headed back out of the caverns.
