"Geeves!... Geeves!" screamed the Queen.
"Yis your feline-ship?" came the servant exhumed from the bowels of Buckingham Palace.
"Stop calling me that, Geeves!"
"Yis, me pussy..."
"Where is that lawyer?!"
"You mean Skippy?"
"Get that smelly slob in here or I'll have him beheaded!"
"Please remember that the Stalin days are over Liz."
"Yes, well he did take care of some rather unloyal subjects for me..."
"Yis, like history and geography me lady..."
"Just get Skippy!"
"I'm off like lightning."
With that Geeves scuffed out of the room in his antique moccasins to locate the smelly lump of Skippy.
Meanwhile, the Queen paced back and forth, shedding fur all over the carpets. "I want that wizard to pay out of his pores! Look what he's done! It isn't very becoming of a Queen to be traipsing about as a kitten..."
"So, Geeves, where is her majesty?" Skippy hoarked deeply and spat on the kitten's head, distracting it from shredding the trail of Princess Anne's wedding dress, to which Anne had no further sentimental attachment.
The Queen turned and bit into Skippy's big toe, which prominently stuck out of his Reebok shoe. Skippy kicked and flung the Queen into the open face of a suit of armour standing in the corner.
"Congratulations, sah," Geeves said. "You just sank the Queen for at least two points."
"Oh. Sorry, your majesty."
The Queen burst out the toe of the armour suit, prompting it to collapse around her. "I want liar..... I want liar... I mean, I want lawyer... BEHEADED!!!"
"Right, madame." Geeves pulled an antique axe off the wall and backhanded at Skippy. Skippy tripped on a gauntlet and fell, avoiding summary decapitation, and creating enough racket to wake the Queen's grandchildren. Screams and cries echoed down the hall from the east wing. A squad of guards ran past the open door towards the east wing, carrying a bazooka. Nobody noticed the casual observer climbing from the wreckage of the armour suit and walking away with a computer disk.
Geeves turned back to the queen and Skippy, "Shall we get on with the legal meeting and cut the cutsie shenanigans?"
"Yes, that's a good idea Geeves, I have to catch a bus in an hour. What seems to be the problem, Q?"
"I'm a CAT damn it!!! That's the problem! The wizard has turned me into a cat!! I want him to pay for it! I want him to pay out of his PORES!""
"Oh, I see, that should be simple matter of liable and small claims... what's the name?"
"The Dark One, who else?!"
"Ooh oooooh, problem. You want me to sue my boss…"
