At a little known religious retreat in Peru, a new face had appeared on the scene. A face of caring and unsuppressed compassion. It was Licking Linda Lovelace the... Theologian?
Lawrence looked about the courtyard, then up at the lady on his back. "Look, lady, I've heard of trick riding, but this takes the hay bale."
Linda slid off, a crease of puzzlement the size of the grand canyon marring her forehead. "Where the hell are we."
"Now, now, child, one mustn't blaspheme in the house of the Lord," said a voice behind them.
Linda spun around in surprise. Lawrence turned his head quickly and pulled a muscle in his neck.
"Where are we?" asked Linda.
"Peru."
"Oh... Who are you?"
"I am a man of the cloth."
"Oh... I've heard that can be a nasty addiction."
"Excuse me?"
"What do you use? Lycra?"
"No, no... I'm a religious nut."
"Oh... You're into tapestries?"
"Look, My name is Nick "The Noose" Edwards of the Brothers of Perpetual Strangulation."
"That would explain the tight chain around your neck and the squeeky voice."
"Maybe we oughta look for another space warp," said Lawrence in a low voice.
"Who the he... heck are you, anyway, Mr. Ed?" asked Linda.
"No, Lawrence the Arabian, you?"
"Lickin Linda Lovelace."
"The... what title are you using now, anyway?"
"I don't know, I've lost track."
"So," said Nick, "are you here as disciples?"
"Uh, no," said Linda, eying his noose. "We were just leaving."
Nick looked puzzled. "But... no one leaves. The Lord forbids it."
"Yeah, well," said Linda, "you guys are monks?"
"All of us except our leader."
"Yeah, so I guess you'd have a problem with having a woman around, right."
"Not really. Our leader needs a new mistress."
"Uh, sorry pal, I don't swing that way."
"You will find that the Reverend Rhombus swings many ways," replied Nick.
"I don't swing that way either," said Lawrence.
"Oh? Pity. Anyway, you should at least stay for the evening. The Reverend Rhombus is televising a sermon."
"That's the Reverend Jerry Rhombus?" asked Linda.
"Yes it is."
"C'mon Lawrence. I've heard of this guy. He's got crocodiles and man-eating snakes and... well, I don't want to find out what else."
"You think they eat horses?" asked Lawrence.
"You wanna find out?"
They turned to leave. They turned again. And again. Then they turned back to Nick. "What's the deal?" asked Linda. "You guys don't have a front door?"
"Or even a back one?" put in Lawrence.
"No. I told you no one leaves."
"How do they get in?"
"Those who want to get in can."
"How?"
"Faith."
"Ok, Whatever."
Nick then wandered through an archway and down one of the passages. Lawrence and Linda stood there. They stood a little longer. They stood some more. Linda screamed at the top of her lungs, and Lawrence whinnied.
"Oh shit, let's go Lawrence..."
"Ok."
They started through the archway and down a different passage than the one that Nick had taken. They had hardly gone five paces before encountering a dead end.
"Ok, we'll try another way." That was a dead end too.
They all were.
"You ever get the feeling you're in a Kafka novel?" asked Lawrence.
"Who?"
"He was... never mind. It doesn't look like there's a way out."
"I don't believe that."
Lawrence looked up; Linda thought she could see a light bulb turn on over his head. "What do you believe?" he asked.
"Huh?"
"Do you believe there's an entrance?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Where?"
Linda rolled her eyes. "Right at the front."
"Where's that?"
"Right there... holy shit! I don't..."
"Don't say it!" said Lawrence.
In front of them was an arch. Beyond it, they could see a mountain path.
"Lawrence, my friend, you are positively handy to have around."
"Yeah, too bad I don't have any hands. Hop on." They rode out.
