"We need bigger mugs if we're gonna get the water out of this stupid thing!" exclaimed George Washington, "And those damn cruise missiles have joined a friggin' air show."
The crew nodded and went about their business, ignoring the Captain's orders as best they could. That business largely consisted of organising tours of the Iowa for local fish.
George climbed onto the big guns. "Those damn froggies are back to that jazz music already. You'd think they like being bombed or something. Well I won't stand for it. I'll fight till.... whoops!" He slipped and fell.
"Who keeps leaving stool on the deck?!"
A bright light hovered above them and they all covered their eyes. A fizzling image appeared and Smokey the bear left his freeze frame position to ask "Has anyone seen Yellowstone?"
"Turn off those damn lights!" screamed George.
"Sorry," Smokey flipped out a communicator, "Unlimited, dim the shuttle craft lights please."
"Where the hell did you come from? Cloud nine?"
"No, Cosmic Cloud Eight, actually. Nine's scheduled for next week - Wednesday at eight, to be exact, on most cable stations. Anyway, I've been beaming down all over the place asking for directions to the big forest fire, and no one's been giving me a straight answer."
"Don't ask me. I'm only interested in bar fires."
"Great. Do you realize that if more people cared about forest fires, fewer of them would start?"
"Sure I do, I just don't care."
"Typical camper."
"Who's camping? I'm homeless."
"Say, how did you get those missiles to do the Rex Manoeuvre?"
"Shut up! Those damn things are traitors. Have you got any torpedoes?"
"Uh, I... I'll check with the captain. Unlimited, do we have any torpedoes? I see. What do you want them for?"
"I'm making an abstract sculpture."
"Oh." Smokey held his ear for a moment. "Captain Poopdeck wants to know how many you want?"
"How big are they?"
"One hundred times the power of those Tomahawks."
"Thirty should do."
"Where do ya want them?"
"Uh... actually, if you could refloat my ship, we'll put them below decks."
"Sure." A blue beam enveloped the ship, and lifted it out of the water. The crew cursed George for wrecking their tour business, then collected their erstwhile clients and cornered the fish market. The tachyon torpedoes arrived in the ammo banks, and Smokey zapped up.
"Great, now lets show those frogs a real light show."
George Launched the first barrage of tachyons. New Orleans was levelled.
"Ooops. Those things really pack a punch."
