Thunder roared. Lightning flashed. The castle shook and groaned in the storm. Everything was black.
The Dark One rummaged through the drawer. "The Thousand Hells of Mein Kampf, where did I put those damn matches?! Of all the times for the power to go out..."
From the darkness a voice asked, "Why does the Dark One need matches?"
"Because I can't see..."
"Hmmm. The Dark One can't see in the dark. Intriguing."
"I'm in the dark and you find it intriguing... who in Acheron are you?"
"You're avoiding the subject. How do you propose to solve your problems if you won't stick with them?"
The Dark One rummaged for his matches.
"It helps if you talk about these things," the voice said.
"Enough! Be gone!" The Dark One unleashed his full power on the voice. He went back to the drawer.
"That was hardly a friendly or trusting action. Are you aware of your hostility?"
"You fool, I AM hostility!"
"Very good! Go with that! How does this make you feel?"
"HOSTILE!" The Dark One attacked again, destroying the kitchen and igniting the lost matches. "ARRRGH!" He blasted the rubble away.
"Destruction comes easily for you," the voice said conversationally. "This indicates insecurity and underlying feelings of being threatened. I wonder what the root of that might be?"
The Dark One stalked off and bumped into a wall.
"Oohh, silent treatment. Predictable, I'm afraid, and only really effective if I need your responses..."
"Cut the pop psychology, you... whatever you are."
"Ah, that's where you are wrong."
"Silence! I know amateur analysis when I hear it."
"You didn't really expect something deep, did you? Consider what I have to work with..."
"I would destroy you if I could but see!"
"You are doubly blind, and your threat is empty."
"Why?"
"In order to be destroyed, I must first exist."
"If you don't exist, why am I talking to you?"
"Perhaps you should ask your analyst. I'm not in a position to comment, or do anything else for that matter."
"You were just analyzing me damnit! Now you can't comment?"
"I can't have been analyzing you. I don't exist. The logic should be clear, even to you."
"If you don't exist and I DO exist, how the hell can you be talking to me?"
"Who says I'm talking? Are you hearing voices?"
"I'm hearing you whatever, the hell you are."
"My, aren't you pig headed. Why do you persist in asking me questions when I am not real?"
"Because you wouldn't leave me alone."
"But you are alone."
"I can't be sure in the dark!"
"Well, then, let's shed some light on the subject." A lit candle floated out of the darkness.
"Why didn't I think of that? Now if you aren't real and don't exist how can you create a candle?"
"I didn't. The candle was in your dining room."
"How did you light it?"
"Who says I did?"
"Who lit the damn candle?"
"I can't really say, since I'm not real."
"You are a pest!"
"Who are you talking to?"
"Mister non-existent..."
"Oh. Is he present?"
"Fuck off."
"That would be quite a feat, considering."
"Just leave me alone!"
"You already know my answer to that. You really must try to get a grip. It isn't normal to talk to candles."
"Just don't talk to me anymore. Ok?"
"I wasn't talking to begin with."
"What were you doing?"
"I am nothing, therefore I was doing nothing."
"Well if you.... Wait a minute, you are just my imagination! I can't believe I've been arguing with my friggin’ imagination!"
"Ah, progress, but unfortunately incorrect."
"Progress to what end?"
"Well, if you're going to solve your problems, you must face them, right? They won't solve themselves."
"You are a problem and I can't face you."
"Look on the bright side. At least you're aware of your limitations."
"I make limitations. I don't adhere to them!"
"A healthy attitude if I've ever heard one. But of course one must be aware of one's limitations to break them. I think you'll find many of your problems will disappear if you face your inner troubles."
"If you don't exist, you couldn't have a healthy attitude."
"True. But we weren't discussing my attitudes. You're evading the problem again."
"You don't have any attitudes. You DON'T exist."
"Exactly, which makes yelling at me pointless. At any rate, it was your attitudes we were discussing. Do you think them out, or are they raw?"
"You keep saying we! There is only me! I can't discuss anything with myself!"
"That is most discouraging. A good internal dialogue is essential to mental health. Besides, haven't you heard of the Royal We?"
"You can't be discouraged!!!"
"I'm not. I said it was discouraging, I didn't say to whom."
"I'm not talking anymore..."
"Evasion again. If you can't even deal with a non-existent voice, how do you intend to defeat Smith or the AIs? You are crippling yourself from the start."
The Dark One started to whistle and ignore the voice. He blew the candle out in the process. "Shit."
"Brilliant suggestion. You know very well I can't do that."
"What do you non-want, anyway?"
"Nothing, of course. However, if you pay closer attention to yourself, you can probably catch Moon Runner."
"What?! How?!"
No comments:
Post a Comment