The engine screamed as they drove through the desert. The Wanderer winced as the noise pierced his skull. Glancing at the speedo, he double-took.
"Hey, Ed!" he screamed over the engine's howl. "How come we're only doin’ thirty?"
"I dunno. Lessee, parking brake's not on... say, what's this stick with the numbers do?"
"Push it and see what happens!"
Ed pushed the shift into fourth gear, and the car sank as the wheels tore into the pavement. The speedo hit 120, and both Ed and Wanderer felt like a Fruit Roll Up stuck to the vinyl seats. Wanderer said, "The seat's bonding with the skin of my back!"
They looked at each other and yelled in unison, "Head rush!!!"
"Well, the four makes it go faster."
"Try the five."
Ed shifted again, and they were soon rocketing through the Nevada desert at some speed that didn't register on the speedometer or the tachometer.
Zooming past a radar trap, the stealth wasn't in sight for more than 2 seconds. Officer Randy put down his coffee and looked over to Officer Perry, "What do you suppose that was?"
Perry watched the dust settle, "Must be those Mexican killer bees going into Utah."
"Is speeding illegal for insects?"
"I dunno. You wanna try'n explain it to the Chief?"
They went back to their newspapers and donuts.
"Hey Ed!" - still screaming over the engine.
"Yeah, what?"
"There'sa red light coming up!"
"Must be Reno! Which of these stupid pedals is the friggin brake?"
"Here!" Wanderer screamed as he yanked on the parking brake lever.
Several citizens of Reno Nevada reported seeing some kind of UFO cart wheeling through an intersection at a barely subsonic speed.
When the car finally landed on its wheels like a cat, there they were - Vegas!
"Whoa!" Wanderer cleared his ears. "Hey, we're here!"
"Where's here?"
"The Burning Sands Hotel. C'mon, let's see if Moon Runner's here yet."
"Oh, yay," muttered Ed.
Inside the hotel, was the ancient blues bar - "My Daddy's Dead."
They walked in to be confronted by a scattering of stuffed animals that are now extinct, many pictures of the falls of ancient civilizations, and mosaic floor tiles in a skull and cross bones motif. A small blues band had hung themselves on stage, and the bar tender was trying to make short work of himself with a broken bottle. The tender looked up when they walked in.
"Oops, customers..." the bartender stuffed the broken bottle under a towel and approached the new patrons. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"
Ed and wanderer glanced over the menu.
Arsenic $3.50
Liquid Drano (with no liquid) $4.75
eye-o-caine and tonic $7.25
Saliva of Cobra $3.10
Lace of LSD $99.25
Cyanide $4.15
Crack $75.12
Hopper of Hydrochloric $12.50
Extract of Hemlock $19.25
Bites of Black Widow $12.95
Hit of lead pipe (free refills) $18.25
"This place is kinda dead," frowned Ed.
"Yeah, and the prices are a little steep. I'll have a Hemlock. What are you gonna have - I don't suggest the Drano."
"Ahh, Got any water?"
The tender looked up with a smile, "I like a man who lives dangerously!"
The drinks slid down the bar to them and the hemlock was a clear substance with a white cloud drifting through it. Ed's water was opaque, foaming and held a constant temperature of 210 degrees.
Ed looked at Wanderer. "So, you and Moon Runner meet here often?"
"Yeah, we like the atmosphere, nice and cheery. Drink up, its good for you."
Ed eyed his drink and waited for Wanderer to start. Wanderer swallowed his drink in a big gulp and said, "That hits the spot."
Moon Runner and Music Man walked up and sat at the bar.
"Hey Moon! It's been a while."
"Good to be back at the old stomping grounds, Kimo Sabe. Your friend hasn't touched his water."
Ed sat at the end of the bar blowing furtively on his drink to try and cool it down, but it was very persistent. "This shit must be out of a Romanian nuclear plant!"
"Yeah," the bar tender said as he gave Moon Runner a cage of spiders and Music Man several hundred hits of acid, "I've got an exclusive supply."
"Congratulations." Ed blew on the water again. It chuckled at him.
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