Three kids sat huddled around a small pit in the driveway, shooting marbles. They each missed, but with nine shots in their automatics, they had plenty of ammunition to hit those pesky pieces of glass. All would have been well, had the slugs not ricocheted into their dad's car.
"Uh-oh," they said in perfect synchronicity.
Ms. Vickers walked around the corner, saw the boys, and started to shake her head. She was wearing her bonnet, a Victorian outfit from ankle to neck and possibly even a chastity belt - we didn't have the balls to check.
{Yet another Author's Note: For the record, it was CWBorysowich who was short on balls. I just wasn't interested.
KDAmery}
"Tsk tsk... Shouldn't be letting mere children play with firearms!"
"Look granny, they're only snail guns. You put snails in here and slugs come out here!"
"Yeah and the shells eject out the side."
Ms. Vickers shook her head again. "Still, look at the mess you've made of that car. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Not to mention the cruelty to those poor..."
"Hey, that snail's getting away!"
Ms. Vickers looked down and saw the snail climb onto her shoe. "Eeeeeeek! Get that thing off me! Such unclean things!" She kicked it off and stepped on it. "Oh no! I killed a living creature!" She rushed to the lawn, wiped off her shoes, and dropped to her knees, reciting twenty-three Hail Marys.
The boys giggled and ran into the back garden to find more snails.
Ms. Vickers continued reciting her rosary as Guido - the first disciple and the reason for needing sixteen more - looked at the dripping slugs on his car and then at the praying weirdo on his lawn.
"Muh-thah of God, how am I evah gonna get to Skuppernung's-a funeral ona time?! Ey lady! Take-a you slugs and get offa my lawn!"
Rushing to her feet and brushing off her petticoats, she turned to Guido and stammered "I am Ms. Petunia Vickers and I must iterate clearly that I had absolutely nothing to do with this outrage upon your vehicle."
"Whata da hell is stuck upa you skirt lady? You-a flatten my grass an you make-a da neighbours stare. Madre de Dios, you are worse dan my kids!"
Stuffing her nose in the air she blurted "Well I never!" And stomped off with the snail shell still crackling under foot.
"Anda you probly nevah will!" Guido pulled open the car door and hopped in. Revving up the engine he tore down the street.
As he passed her, Ms. Vickers said, "Dirty gangster. Oh! I maligned another human being!" She dropped to her knees again, landing on a June bug.
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