PART LII - LITTLE GREEN MINERS

Nameless One Jr wandered through the tunnels, looking at the rocks and whistling `Download' by Skinny Puppy. He stopped when he saw a group of small green balls bouncing up and down on the rocks, slowly digging a new tunnel.

"Have any of you seen my father?"

The chief ball bounced over to him. "What's his name?"

"He doesn't have one."

"No one with no name around here. Get lost, kid." He went back to mining.

"But I already am lost."

The balls just kept bouncing and ignored Nameless jr., so he wandered on down the tunnel and found nothing remarkable, until he came across a small gem sitting on the floor. The gem was foreign to this planet and, yes, even this galaxy. Nameless jr. picked it up, not realizing (because he didn't know), that it was the GEM OF KARNATH.

"Put me down, you greasy air-breather you."

Nameless One jr. dropped the gem and stepped back.

"Obedient, aren't you."

"Have you seen my father?"

"What do I look like, a lost and found? Go find him yourself, you whiney freak."

"Hey... my Dad says... you should be nice to people you meet... you know why?"

"No, why?"

"Because... they might have a gun... and kill you."

"Oh. Do you have a gun?"

Nameless One Jr. pulled out a water pistol.

"Oooh, scary."

"It's a gun."

"Well, I don't have to be nice to creatures of any kind because I'm the GEM OF KARNATH!" (an orchestra played stirring music in the background.)

"You're just a rock."

"Just a rock?! Kid, that's like saying the Dark One is just a dude who doesn't like the lights. I'm a very sophisticated rock."

"Yeah... but you're still a rock."

"Yes... wonderful, isn't it?"

"Well... what do you do?"

"Wha... I'm the GEM OF KARNATH!" (more stirring music) "Isn't that enough?"

"No... in school... if you said that... it would only answer the first blank."

"Hmm, guess I'll have to come up with something more impressive."

"Do you do windows?"

"No, but I have done a water heater... what do my sexual habits have to do with it?"

"Huh?"

"Go away, brat."

"Okay." Nameless One Jr. started walking down the tunnel.

"Hey, where ya goin?"

"You told me to go away."

"That was rhetorical."

"Oh. What's that?"

"Well, it's... never mind. Where are you going?"

"I'm looking for my father, The Nameless One."

"Catchy handle. Well don't just stand there, take me with you."

"But you said..."

"Said schmaid, you think I want to stay here?!"

Nameless One Jr looked around. "Why not?"

"Just pick me up, you snot nosed..."

"I do not have a snotty nose... cause I picked it..."

"I don't want to hear about it."

"I wasn't going to tell you about it anyway."

"Thank god. Are we going now or what?"

"Sure!"

Nameless One jr picked up the gem again, and they became the best of friends, which is coincidental to the conclusion of this part.

PART LI - MY ESCARGOT is STUCK in the FAN BELT

Barreling down an abandoned highway, Bob, Neils, and Beepo could hear their stomachs growling over the lost muffler on their 1957 Nash Rambler. Beepo was glancing over a tourist map and mentioned that a French restaurant was up ahead.

"What's it called?" asked Bob.

"Chez Quickies - Le McDonald's du France."

"Sounds... fast," said Niels. "There it is. Let's check it out."

They pulled into the parking lot and spent five minutes trying to find a space that didn't have a Renault or a Citroen in it. Inside, the servers and cooks were wearing striped shirts and berets with little strings sticking out of the top; they all had penciled in moustaches, too. In the corner, a band with the name, `All Those Bozos' on its drum kit was playing `Feelings' on the accordion, harmonica, and mandolin with a monster-bass-drum-back-beat.

They got in line. Beepo said to the server, "I'll have the Coquil St. Jacques with fries to go."

"Anything to drink?"

"A can of the 1768 vintage Beaujolais."

"That'll be $27.36 please."

"Fast but steep... What are you guys having?"

Bob scanned over the menu. "I'll have the escargot au fromage du Kraft and... a stick of your french bread and... a Perrier."

"That'll be $12.92."

Neils approached the counter, "I'll get the filet mignon on a stick... a side order of frog legs... a bottle of espresso... and a tin of Neapolitan for desert."

"That'll be $17.30."

She packed up all the containers into a plastic picnic basket, periodically referring to the packing instructions stamped on the bottom. She also threw in the napkins, bibs, and plastic packages of imitation béarnaise sauce. After exchanging winks with the Bozoettes in the band, they left the restaurant and piled back into the Rambler to eat their lunch.

Beepo's wine exploded in his face. "Damn... is wine supposed to be carbonated?"

"Not in 1768," said Niels, biting into his filet on a stick and getting béarnaise sauce on his shirt.

Bob was chasing his lunch. "Man, for snails these things sure are quick."

"Must be getting lubrication from the cheese," said Beepo.

They finished the meal and were about to leave when a young lady in a short black dress with white frills came in and started cleaning the slops up.

"Uh, excuse me, but, who are you?" asked Beepo.

"The complementary French maid," said the girl. "Une moment."

"This place isn't bad," said Bob staring at the maid's mamories.

"Do you clean shirts?" asked Neils

"Only when people aren't in them.

All three instantly took their shirts off.

"Mon Dieu, you should all eat more."

Bob said, "What do you expect? We're Quantum Mechanics, not football players."

"Ah, science geeks." She cleaned the shirts and handed them back. "I have to get back inside now. Have a nice day."

"How can we," said Niels as she left. "All food and no lay..."

Bob put his shirt back on and started the Rambler.

Pulling out of the lot, they accidentally bumped a LeCar. Looking around, they screeched out of the parking lot and back to save the universe from quantum destruction.