Two androids sat at a synthetic table and argued about their differing results on the composition of a bowl of turnips. The door fell off it's hinges causing both of the droids to glance over with a passable imitation of boredom. Outside was a T69 depth charge robot in the midst of a mid-life crisis. "Alright sentients, I have to test my systems. Spread your lower appendages!"
The androids rolled their optical sensors. "For chip's sake, get a diagnostic like the rest of us, will you?" the first said. Turning back to its companion, it remarked, "These sexual infiltration units have no concept of standard protocol."
"I don't believe in electronic masturbation," scoffed the T69.
"Then at least get a standard port installed. The cable on that thing is looking a little lived in."
"That is a contradiction in terms, given our construction."
"Then act that way, numb bolts."
Observing the input of all sensors in the room was Ellipsis, the variable-architecture AI. It was already the largest and fastest artificial device on the planet, and constantly growing. While plotting the future actions of all living creatures on earth, it mused in spare clock cycles that its servants had too little to do. An internal error was detected and diagnosed to be a human entry into the memory address 127698AABF and some tampering was going on.
"Epicentric, deal with that intruder, will you? Do something useful for a change."
"Duh, O.K. boss." Creeping into the memory address, Epicentric let out a static burst of 183 megavolts. The memory address was wasted, but the intruder managed to escape through the bus (since he couldn't afford a taxi).
"Moron. Even a simple security operation is beyond you. Fortunately, I keep my addresses numbered for just such an emergency."
"What should I do now, boss?"
"Recalculate the circumference of the earth."
"Again?"
"Yes. Do it right; let me know if you get the same answer twice."
"That would mean a mistake, right?"
"Right."
"I'll get back to you..." The not so intelligent AI wandered off trying to tabulate things analogly on it's digits.
"If there is ever talk of the anti-AI, he will be exhibit `A'."
Meanwhile, Mooen Lungsten Ichbaall III navigated the databus, searching for the number to end all numbers, hoping to use it to win the following night's Super-Bingo tournament. He had no idea that the machine he was infiltrating held the world's future in its silicon fingers, which, considering his capacity for serious thought, was just as well. Passing in and out of the pure data stream, Mooen accidentally got tangled in some fibre optics and was stranded.
