The Messiah's glared at each other, refusing to blink. The New Messiah said, "I've got you now." He grew a third eye in the middle of his forehead.
"That's good, now you've got three eyes you have to keep from blinking. Give it up, kid. The tricks won't work."
"Really? And on the second day, God created laughing gas." A thick vapor filled the air between them.
"Old hat, kid. I'm immune."
"Why do we just let the world go to pot anyway?"
"It's not a case of `let'. It's more like trying to keep the fall controlled, stop things from really seriously crashing..."
"What are you, a cosmic janitor?"
"How'd you figure?"
"That's a hell of a caretaker mentality you got."
"Hey, if I just went out and made everything work properly, the changes would mind boggle the whole population. Nothing's perfect."
"What's wrong with boggling a few minds? How many people aren't confused as it is? And, while we're at it, who decided nothing's perfect?"
"Well, it would redefine everything that they take as being 'trivial' and name me one thing that is perfect."
"I'm not saying anything is perfect. I just want to know who made everything imperfect. Somebody's trying to keep everyone's expectations low. I want to know who and why."
"If you expect too much, you will get let down every time."
"So just to be sure you make everyone expect too little? But what I'm really after is who is going to do the letting down. And don't try to tell me that's just the way things are; save that for the mortals. Somebody up here made things this way. The `Life Sucks' argument doesn't wash, cus it's you folks who made it suck. Why? The audience out there wants to know, pal, and so do I."
The Audience stirred, and the sweat was rolling down the old Messiah's face from the bright lights and TV cameras.
"Hey, we can't be responsible for all of it. People have created a lot of it on their own. They do have free will you know. God doesn't project thoughts and actions on the masses."
"Fair enough, but all the losers out there didn't fuck up their lives in a vacuum. You guys provided the background, you guys made a lot of the rules. That's the shit they have to work with. Sure, the skill they're using sucks the big banana, but you guys gave'em the defective materials that encouraged'em to say, `Hey, it's not my problem.' Let's have some accountability here. What the fuck were you thinking?"
"Accountability? We gave them 10 goddamn rules to work from and a few myths on how the heck we got here just to get them started. They created monetary systems and marketing and government bureaucracy and social levels and all that other crap. The ten rules were pretty simple, but people seemed to develop a hierarchy of an individuals ability to follow them and then had the temerity to go and make up their fucking own rules!"
"Whoa, whoa, holding the fucking fax here! The Ten Commandments? When you drips wrote that, the Egyptian Empire was on its way down the cess pool, the Assyrians were something everyone was trying to forget, and the Sumerians had built a city something in the neighbourhood of two thousand years earlier. First principles, dip shit! Bear in mind that humanity started screwing up straight out of the box - that sounds like a manufacturing defect to me. Six Sigma my ass!"
"We didn't provide any guidance to them back then. All these little factions running around with 101 gods for everyday of the week. It's very hard to organize that kind of thing into a single god theory. You have to learn 145 languages and spread yourself pretty thin back then to try and get the Egyptians, Aztecs and who knows what was running around in the heart of Africa."
"Don't ask me who was in the heart of Africa. I thought you were there. Anyway, you're still not going back far enough. Think back. Waaaay back, before the Tower of Babel, before the Flood, all the way to that first little flower garden with the snake problem. Better yet, how about the chimp stage. Why didn't you take out the bugs then?"
"That whole flower garden thing was a story - a myth for my sake! It was to give people a sense of their origins."
"A myth to give them a sense of their origins. That's fucking great. Just shown up on earth and what happens? Their God, the one thing they're supposed to trust, gives'em some cock-eyed bullshit about where they came from instead of leveling with'em and saying, `Look, you're a hairless monkey with a big brain for getting into real deep shit.' That's starting off well. Is it any wonder they screwed everything else up?"
"Oh, sure, like they would have believed the whole muck and mire story back then if they didn't discover it on their own. It was easier to say `sure we look similar to monkeys lets call it a lack of creativity OK?'"
"Y'know, this is the whole root of the problem. In their first few moments of existence, not only did you lie to them, but it wasn't even a very good lie. Next thing ya know, their off making wars and taking drugs and moping about in a monumental depression because nothing makes sense. Being a bad parent is one thing, but being a bad parent for a race is inexcusable. You're pathetic."
"Hey, we can't be there every second and watch over people. We provided enough to give them a shove into the world and look what they've done. We aren't molding their direction or dragging them toward a particular end. They are driving their own existence. If they can't learn when to wean themselves off of religion that is their problem. I think that science has produced enough answers and theories that they can let go of the whole creator thing."
"Lemme get this straight, Jesus Christ is telling the masses to forget religion and put their faith in the cold, rational, empty arms of science?"
"Tell me. What ego trip would God be on to need 6 billion people worshipping his every movement. People should lighten up a bit. The slaughtered sheep and sacrificed virgins were not what we were looking for and organized religion is a far cry from faith."
"Who said anything about organized religion? My point is that if you're going to create a race, you should take responsibility for them. Now, if you put the whole thing together as an experiment, fine. However, if you really don't want people to believe you exist, why did you set the fucking church up in the first place. You didn't have to show up as a Messiah, you know."
"Look, we tried to provide some guidance but the human creature was so fucking independent they still ran off in every direction possible."
"I think you're confused here, pal. One minute you're telling everybody to drop the religion thing, the next you're complaining that they worship every fucking thing under the sun except you. Just exactly what are you up to, pal?"
"I'm old and I'm giving up on humanity OK? Sure I'm out of a job but it's not like I get paid for my divinity. I just get paid to sit here and argue with you, alright?"
"Boy, talking about putting your foot through the illusion. So, can I have the job?"
