KDAmery and CWBorysowich stood around their one to one scale model of eternity. KDAmery took the Arrow of Time and lined it up with Alpha Centigrade. "Betcha a dozen ion clusters I can get this into Rob Smith's armpit."
"Puhhh, Let's up the stakes a bit. 3 cans of Ready Whip says that you can't get the arrow to split his knee cap."
"Ignore the arrow, willya? I'm using it to shoot the star into his armpit. You do know how to play pool, right?"
"Ok, 5 bottles of Aqua Velva to drop it in the black hole near Mars."
"You're on. Incidentally, how long you think it'll take those scientists to spot that black hole in their neighbourhood?" KDAmery lined up the Arrow of Time.
"How long have they been working on that Stone Henge thing? Well, take that to the 2000th power. It only warps the orbit of the earth by 1 inch every fifty years. They won't notice until Mars becomes a moon."
"I suppose. Then again, after I drop a star into the thing, it'll probably get bigger..." He made the shot. Alpha Centigrade banked off the Magellan Clouds, spun into Michael Jordan's basketball, hopped over the Straits of Gibraltar, then spiralled through the asteroid belt on a Frequent Flyer tour before sliding into the pea sized black hole orbiting Mars. "Your shot."
"You call it."
"Hmm. Put the Clinton Economic Plan across the Milky Way in fluorescent plaid with a green undertone. It's worth a dozen Krakatoas."
"Alright." CWBorysowich rolled his Arrow of Time on the multiverse and noted that it was warped.
"Damn. Oh, well. Not a big deal I'll just have it orbit Cirrus for 113 earth years to compensate."
"What're you complaining about? You warped it last week when you tried to run the NeXT Operating system on an abacus, remember?"
CWBorysowich leaned down to set his shot. With a few micrometers of adjustments, he sent the economic plan through the multiverse. It passed through the M6 Galaxy and really perplexed the Vortons on the planet Gobal. It assumed its orbit around Cirrus for 113 earth years and caught a flight on Pan Dimensional Continuum lines through a version of the Milky way that had humans develop on Jupiter first and then popped back into our own petty existence again. As it gained speed from a ricochet off the Crab Nebula, and approached the speed of light, you could see the plaid pattern streak across the skies of Siberia.
"Not bad," said KDAmery, "But I would have given you more style points if you'd gotten the signatures of the Russian Revolutionary Committee on it first. What's my shot?"
"Take the Volumes of Zoroastrianism and have them result in intelligence for Paisley."
"Hey, man, let's stick to the realm of the possible, shall we?"
"I thought you were a supreme?"
"Yeah, so?"
"I'll bet 250 Hawaiian babes in grass skirts - and nothing else."
"Wait a minute, are you bribing me to wipe out the integrity of this piece with sex?"
"No."
"Sure, and bears travel warp speed. You know as well as I do that if Paisley gets a brain the course of the plot changes."
"True. So that means you give up then?"
"In your wet dreams, pal."
"Now, we're degrading this with sex again."
"Hey, you brought in the hula dancers. Now, lessee..." KDAmery grabbed the Sacred Volumes of Zoroaster, wrapped them around a block of Infinity StuffingTM and slingshotted them around the Dialogues of Mort and Phil. They banked around Leslie Street in Moose Genital Nebraska, then spiralled into a bowl of porridge Paisley was stirring absent mindedly. She picked up the strange lump, shrugged, and ate it.
Wisdom flooded into her mind. Suddenly, she knew. She knew. The wisdom washed through her headspace, then washed out, taking what little was there with it out her nose while whistling, "So Long, and Thanks for the Mammaries."
"Okay, pay up," said KDAmery.
"No, no, no. The intelligence had to stay."
"You didn't specify that beforehand. This way, I complete my part of the bet and the plot doesn't get twisted into something it isn't." KDAmery stuck his tongue out.
CWBorysowich's pager went off.
"Ahh, shit it's those blasted politicians again. Those guys are fucking useless."
"And whose fault's that?"
"Tell ya what. We'll settle this thing, double or nuthin' when I get back."
"Uh huh, I've heard that before."
