The Dark One watched with trepidation as Moon Runner foiled the ISO attempt at capture. "Hmmm, the prophecy grows nearer. I've got to get that Indian and wipe him clean off the universe..."
The Dark One then eyed a small ring on his left pinkie (The Dark One was just that way - not that there's anything wrong with... yeah, whatever), and rubbed the inset gem three times with a hank of fur from Fluffy the furless cat. A puff of smoke erupted in front of him, clearing to reveal The Ring of Tuth the Whacko.
Grinning evilly as only a living Shadow can, he said, "Whomsoever shall find this ring will be my ultimate tool!" So saying, he cast the ring into the world.
It landed in a jewellery shop on west 43rd and Erb st. in Kitchener, Ontario. It was bought later that afternoon by Eric, the German gibbering wimp. Eric had sworn to make Lovely Lumpy Linda Lonely his wife from the day he first laid eyes, and a few other parts of his anatomy, on her. The only trouble was getting her away from Mother Superiority Complex at the Convent for Sexually Impossible Women who Only Moan for Credit.
Leaving the jewellery shop, Eric stumbled, landing in a pile of garbage and used needles. He lay on the ground for quite a while. His energy was spent.
The ring pulsated in it's box. It wanted a host.
Eric loved Linda - she was his life force. His mother had given him life, but Linda was a reason to live. Her mere existence drove him to go on. Eric pulled himself out of the garbage to continue to his beloved. {We could make some neo-philosophical point about life being a struggle from the muck, but... nah.}
Eric marched over to the Convent as fast as his two inch stride could carry him. People watching him thought he looked like a low budget silly movie character being shot freeze frame. Three hours was all it took him to cover the half block distance between himself and his beloved. Still trying to pull his lederhosen up, he knocked on the door, only to be answered by Mother Superiority Complex. She scowled at him with a superior air and swiftly kicked his groin. He dropped the leg-wear just before dropping to the sidewalk.
He had to get to Linda. Gathering some semblance of functionality, Eric crawled around to the back of the convent. Calling to Linda, he climbed the maple trellis. A window flew open above, dropping three potted plants on his head, nearly knocking him unconscious and probably causing a pair of concussions - it's impossible to tell, since he was examined by Dr. L.
"Eric... Eric... Where for art thou Eric?"
"Down here! You got any Advil?"
Eric edged up to her window, and put the ring on her sill as the roar of a chain saw echoed below.
"Oh... What might this be?" Linda asked in a high pitched squeal. With a sausage like hand she took the ring...
... As the trellis collapsed under the ministrations of Bob Vilah and his chain saw. "Hold these," Bob said, and handed Eric the splinters of his erstwhile support. "And next week, we'll look at putting a new drainage pipe through the neighbour's basement."
Linda put on the ring. "It's beautiful... OHHHH!"
The ring's evil seeped into Linda's soul, sorta like ground water contamination. Her mind was so innocent - so open. It would have made an excellent twenty-four hour convenience store.
The Dark One smiled, a brilliantly sunny smile.
