Roger and his new friends walked back to the front of the library, and he led them to another row. They passed Martin Luther King Jr. reading up on some rice pilaf recipes. Tommy Pynchon sat sifting through the last hundred years of statistics generated on the efficiency of the US postal service. Copernicus read with fascination of quartz watches; on his lap was a treatise on the Oort Cloud. Tex Dostoyevsky was enraptured by a stack of cowboy comics. At the end of the row of tables they saw Franz Kafka laughing hysterically at the transcripts of the 2096 Presidential Debates. In the faint light they could see another set of tables further along but Roger led them down a row of shelves.
"You keep all these guys in your library, man?" asked Music Man.
"Actually, I just recently noticed that they were here, and I've since considered changing my major to History."
"I didn't know Kafka got out," said Wanderer. No one paid any attention to him.
They walked down the rows and piles of books, edging past Sun Tzu, who was crouched down looking through some books on war as a method of cheap upholstery repair.
"Pardon me, Kimo Sabe, but where are we going?"
"Oh, I'm looking for either some books on Mediaeval English or an exit, whichever shows up first."
"Well, this might help," said Wanderer, holding up a small pamphlet titled, "Everything you'd ever want to know about Mediaeval English."
"Yeah, thanks. Now, how do we..?"
"Kimo Sabe, look." Moon Runner pointed at the book shelf. All the books seemed to form a door that said "Exit."
"Boy, am I glad no one took one of these out to read," said Roger. "Here goes." He turned the knob.
They stepped out into the war room at the Strategic Air Command. General Stormin Normin turned to look at them.
"You have one weird house," said Wanderer.
"Hey," said Normin, "aren't you the guy that was trying to lay my daughter Paisley?"
Moon Runner thought way back to the start of this mess and said, "No comment."
"Don't pull an Olli North on me, was it you?"
"It was actually Harry that wanted her, Kimo Sabe."
Normin's face turned a bright purple as the thought that Paisley might have inhaled a particle of air that had passed through Harry's lungs, crossed his mind. "Alright, I want an air strike on the Holey Roach Motel, ASAP!"
While Normin barked out orders, Moon Runner and the boys walked off through the bunker and used the elevator to arrive at...
The New York Stock Exchange.
"Too bad we're not at NASDAQ, then I could check how my stocks are trading!" said Music Man.
"Wasn't that supposed to be the stock exchange for the next hundred years?" questioned Roger.
"They said that over 50 years ago but nobody cares. An exchange is an exchange."
"Look folks," said Moon Runner, "all this is entertaining, but perhaps we should find a way back to somewhere less insane."
"That place doesn't exist," said Chucky Manson, passing through on his way to buy shares in White's Department Store.
"Point in case," said Moon Runner.
"Look, I'd love to help," said Roger, "but the truth is I just inherited the place, and I really haven't got a clue where anything is yet."
"Man, this place is great!" said Wanderer. The rest looked at him as though he'd offered to slice his gut open so they could make sausages.
"Seriously, I could wander here forever."
"Let's move on then," said Roger.
Walking through a set of double oak doors, they entered central missile command in Moscow. Lieutenant Commander Alexei Sergov turned to them as they entered.
"This is all I need today, for you comrades to walk in here. This day has just been crazy. A small computer glitch had every US missile as being launched at us and this Chinese guy keeps calling us for an ICBM to fix his couch."
"That is alright, Kimo Sabe, we're just passing through."
"Where do you want to go?"
"Uh, my front hallway would be good," said Roger.
"Okay, go in that broom closet and lift the bottom out of the mop bucket."
"Man, this place is amaazing," said Wanderer.
After a soggy trip through the bucket, they arrived at the top of the cathedral in Roger's home.
"Great," said Roger, "now all we've gotta do is get down."
"You don't know which door?" asked Music Man.
"Uh, no."
