PART XIV - The Van

Linda closed the van door. Paisley reclined on the foam mattress. Linda asked, "What do you want to do now?"

"I dunno."

"Want to go eat?"

"Sure."

"What?"

"Dunno."

"Do you have any preference for anything?"

"Not really."

Linda looked at her. This girl made air look brilliant. "Want to fuck?"

"Yeah."

The van rolled its headlights. "Why do I have to listen to this shit?"

"Well," said the alternator, "that's what you get for letting them stay around. We told you to dive off that embankment, but would you listen?.."

"Sure, you woulda loved that too. You would have been melded together with the starter motor."

The alternator and the starter motor shuddered. Neither could stand the other's bathroom habits.

"I need something to distract myself..."

"Don't look at me," said the engine management computer. "I'm sick of Tetris!"

"We could roll off that cliff..." submitted the tires.

"Hey, the rest of us wanted to live, and only kill the bozos inside."

"A life that isn't crippled, I might add," added the front bumper.

"I know!" said the shock absorber. "We could start bouncing!"

"Great, then we'll look like we have the hiccups."

The oil pan salivated.

"Hey, Linda accidentally left a Gwar CD in the deck," said the stereo. "I could start that at max."

"Wait a minute... I think I've got gas," said the engine.

"Would you leave your gastronomical problems out of the discussion?" asked the transmission.

"Yeah, and don't send it out here either," protested the tailpipe.

"I don't know which is worse," said the van, "the people or my parts."