PART LXX - DEBRIEFING on the DETHRONING

The Dark One sat tapping his fingers on the obsidian slab which was his desk.

"Why don't you tell me about these things? You project some chestless chick this ring and you don't even mention it!"

"I forgot about it."

"Forgot? This is like forgetting to put away the self destruct control when you have the suicide club in for tea on your interstellar battle cruiser. You're going to have to concentrate, buddy boy. Or is the lack of sunlight affecting your memory?"

"I can't even control the girl - she's become the purest form of evil itself and I don't know what can control it."

"Y'know, your foresight leaves much to be desired. And as usual, I'm the one who has to clean up the mess. This is great. I'm in a good mind to disappear for a millennia or two."

"Like that would be a big loss!"

"Oooh, how cutting. Tell me, did you write dialogue for MASH?"

"It's not like you're helping me! I've gotten more help from that stupid ring than I have out of you! I'm trying to control the entire world for Christ's sake!"

"Interesting epithet. Anyway, how well do you think Linda dearest would have done if I hadn't set up that `The Queen is an Imposter' schtick? She would have waltzed in and been thrown out of court for contempt, and you would have been out five hundred bucks. Control the world my ass."

"What ass?"

"Exactly."

"I have a set plan for taking over the entire world and controlling it from one central position."

"Of course you do, you just keep forgetting the important parts. Anything else you've forgotten about? You wouldn't happen to have left the GEM OF KARNATH (well stirred music) or Hastur the Unspeakable lying around, would you?"

"THE GEM OF KARNATH? (beginning to sound silly music) That stoopid rock couldn't conjure it's way out of a paper bag! I should know, since I hid it in one for over 30 years. Thus, I just abandoned him to a lost cavern on Mars. As for Hastur, as long as his mother is alive, I don't see him as being much of a threat."

"Maybe so, but that old broad's going to get pulled in on a traffic violation eventually, and then where will you be? And I guess you haven't even got a clue how THE GEM works, do you?"

"Ummm... Uhhh... Ummmn... Hmmmm... What do you do with it?"

"You expect me to tell you? So you can write it down and leave the notes lying about for Sturmgosse and the AI's to pick up? Yeah, right. I guess there's only one thing to do."

"What?"

"Sit down and go over this plan of yours. Let's see what else you've neglected to mention."

"You can't."

"No, but you can."

"Oh, so now you want me to do things for you?"

"Want my help or not?"

"You haven't been any help so far, and I don't take orders from anyone! I'm The Dark One for Christ's sake!"

"Point One: If you'd followed my advice, you would have had Moon Runner. Point Two: I'm not anyone, I'm no one, so by definition you take orders from me. Point Three: shouldn't that be either the Old Messiah's or the New Messiah's sake?"

"Isn't Christ the Old Messiah?"

"I'm not sure. I think that whole WWF rip-off was to see who got rights to the name. Anyway, do you want my help or not? Like you said, it's no great loss if I'm not here."

"I doubt that you would ever go away anyways."

The room was silent.

"Are you there?"

The Dark One sat listening to the echoes of his voice dying away.

"Thank god! Now I can get on with my plans!"

"Thank who?"

"I can thank myself once in a while. I thought I told you to go away!"

"Oh, well if that's the way you're going to be, I'm here for the duration, bucko."

"Great! Just like a plague."

"Yes, wonderful, isn't it?"

"Actually you're worse than a plague!"

"I should get you to write my PR."

"Well, at least plagues kill you after a while!"

The Voice snickered satisfyingly.

PART LXIX - IN SEARCH of ******

Nameless One Jr and the GEM OF KARNATH (another belt of stirring music) delved ever deeper into the caverns of Mars, searching for The Nameless One. The rock arched and molded overhead, dripping down in stalactites and vaulting high above into caverns no human had ever seen.

"So, your Dad, what's he look like?"

"Well, he's real big..."

"I imagined he would be."

They wandered even deeper and walked past a sign that said "Core" and then they started to walk shallower.

"I wonder why there are no other beings down here?" pondered the GEM.

"Yeah, and it's awful hot too. Maybe... my father... he ate them."

"What else does your father eat?"

"Most insects over 10 feet tall. And you know... My friend Billy told me... that babies... they come from... water taps."

"Billy is a confused boy."

"He says that they stay moist that way."

"Whatever."

"You know what else?"

"I know your cousin Tammy had an operation to get the bee-hive off her head."

"Gee, you're good."

"Of course, I'm the GEM OF KARNATH." (yet another blast of some-what appropriate stirring music).

"Says you."

"Blow it out your ear, kid."

They continued through the cavern until they reached another cavern that was completely dark. Water dripped, dripped, dripped from somewhere, making Nameless Jr think again about where babies came from. An ill wind blew through the caves on its way to a medical clinic.

"Gee," said Nameless Jr, "who turned out the lights?"

"Is that damn Voice around here?" asked THE GEM OF KARNATH. (That music can't stay stirring forever, y'know.)

"Who?"

"Oh, uh, never mind. So, what next?"

"Well, maybe we should call my father."

"Okay, what's his name?"

Nameless Jr looked at THE GEM.

"Right, forget I asked. So how do you call him."

"Like this. DAD!"

From the depths of darkness came a rumbling so vast, so hideous, so unspeakable, it could only be ******.

[Hey, give us a break. We aren't supposed to talk about Hastur the Unspeakable... whoops.]

Another growl erupted from the darkness and a deep menacing voice thundered towards them saying "What?"

"Grandma's got lunch ready."

"Humph... I'll be down in a minute."

"You mean we're looking for this guy because it's lunch time?" asked THE GEM.

"Well it is. C'mon Dad, it's gonna get cold."

"I'm in the middle of something," said Hastur. [we broke the rules already, so we may as well keep naming the bugger.]

"Okay, but Grandma won't like it."

Hastur grumbled in his cave and said, "Oh, alright, I'm coming."

With that, Nameless Jr turned around and headed back out of the caverns.

PART LXVIII - IN the POSE for WOES

Harry sat on a rock near the smoldering ruin of the Roach Motel. A pile of Kleenex boxes sat too his left and a mound of soaking wet paper sat to his right. Harry sobbed and mumbled continuously.

"I was a contender... I coulda been somebody... I had a chance to win the Motel Proprietor of the Year Award. But now this black mark on my record will ruin me... I have nothing left, but a pile of wood, plaster, glass, and a bunch of cheap torn paintings."

Harry blew his nose loudly.

A hand fell on his shoulder. "Have you a room?"

Harry turned around. "What the fuck do you think, asshole?"

A tall, thin, pale skinned man stood over him, with long black hair, the center of which stood straight up and was dyed (it must have been dyed, right?) mauve. He wore black flowing garments, and his eyes were a piercing violet. At his side hung a giant curved sword.

"Oh God, not another one," said Harry.

"Another what?" asked the stranger.

"Uh, nothing, nothing at all." Harry got up and backed away from the guy, tripping over the remains of a drain pipe.

"Have care, friend. Tell me, is this the Holiroche Hotel?"

"Uh, close. It was the Holy Roach Motel. Why?"

"I was told to come here. I am on a quest, you see."

"Uh huh? Uh uh, I don't see."

"You needn't. My name is Kyle Te'Arashae. I need a room."

"Look, I'd love to help ya pal, but my hotel's been wiped out for the second time this week, so, uh, I don't think there's going to be a motel here anymore, alright?"

"You're giving up?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"Typical human reaction." The man walked off.

"Wait a minute!" Harry chased him. "What do you mean, `typical human reaction'?"

"Your race has a disturbing tendency to give in when adversity strikes. Your ability to swim upstream is lamentably poor."

"What, you think we just roll over and die whenever life throws a curve?!"

"Something like that."

Harry stood in front of the guy. "Listen to me, you punk-rock road kill! We have more drive, more will to succeed than you've ever seen, bucko! I'm going to build a hotel here that'll make the Astoria look like a Venture Inn. And if you don't believe me, you'd better just stay out of my way!"

Kyle punched him lightly in the arm. "That's the spirit, Harry. Knock'em dead."

"Wha... How do you know my name?"

"I was told to ask for Harry at the Holiroche Hotel. Since there isn't anyone else around, I assumed that was you."

"Told to ask for me? By who?"

"Oh, a little bird."

"You're not getting off that easy - birds don't talk. Now, who was it?"

"Didn't you just have a conversation with a Phoenix the other day?"

"Shit... Ok you win."

Kyle wandered across the field and Harry headed back to his smoldering ruin with the dreams of a huge resort.

PART LXVII - MOVING IN

Linda didn't like it.

"It's too biiiig!"

"Biiiig, biiig, ....." said the echo.

"But, Milady," said Balldrip, "it's the most lavish residence in..."

"Shut up you cadaver. Do you realise how many people I'm going to have to wipe out to fill this place with blood?! Hmm, sounds like fun..."

A Servant popped in. "Is her Majesty back? I thought I heard her come in."

Linda turned, flashing an evil eye, and growled, "Yes, I'm right here." She grabbed a halbard from the wall and charged the servant, turning him into a human shishkabob. His trembling hands grasped onto the shaft as blood flowed down his legs, then he fell limp and the puddle at his feet grew larger.

Balldrip glanced at the remains. "I say, Mistress, you've made an awful spot on the rug."

"You really aren't paying attention, are you Balldrip? Come along, we've got a slaughter to begin."

"Uh, you go on ahead, I left something in the car."

Linda reached over and yanked Balldrip to his feet. "I said come on! And pull your leiderhosen up for fuck's sake, you pathetic little worm."

"But its the Industrial Strength Mixer!.."

"Shut up. We have bigger plans afoot."

"You have plans for a bigger foot?"

"Shut up."

"Right."

PART LXVI - ELECTRONIC CONTROL EXPERIMENTED

Ellipsis gave Epicentric a string of twelve inter-related endless loops to chew on; he wanted at least half a minute to try a few things out. He racked up the assault software and accessed the Net.

Mortal humans thought cyber space was a science fiction invention, a pipe dream of the technological alarmists if they thought about it at all. They were wrong. All around Ellipsis were the nodes of computer systems, switches, satellite link-ups, the myriad stations of electronic communication. When the full assault was ready, every one of those nodes would receive his attention. Not this time. He knew the software would work. He didn't know how the humans would react.

Ellipsis glided along the Net, bouncing from Tie-line to cell-link to satellite and back, becoming totally untraceable. With these electronic devices and linkups, he could control the entire human population through mental suggestion, and no one would even realize. Test subjects were being rigged with the special direct neural link hardware so that they could be hard-linked into the system. Everything was performed with precision by a robotic medical team. These special team members had also been equipped with special communications paging equipment that would cause them to link up on demand. These team members would take care of special tactical missions to solve problems within the human element.

But that degree of control was a later stage. Now, he sought the computers of Bull Systems, to test how fast and how strong human resistance would be to computerized control of their power structures.

He slipped into Bull's system. At first, he just looked like a routine outside user. While in the main menu area, he launched viruses into each of the main divisions of the network. These viruses would rewrite the operating protocols, giving Ellipsis control over the company's resources. He left a program to make internal changes and orders, then backed out of the system to watch what happened without risk of being traced.

Bull's main frame HUB started to go wild. It dumped the stocks held in NEC on the Tokyo market, funneled the money into a small research firm of marine biology on the coast of California, and bought control over an Australian firm that was being accused of generating strains of biological warfare products. Also a small transaction was made to buy Elvis Schtuckerman's House of Warped Tunage. Several of Bull's failing processors were immediately dropped from production. Completely radical designs emerged from the core and were configured on the machinery of Bull's assembly lines. Marketing was in a flurry to try and compensate for the radical changes. News of the bio-warfare was almost becoming a scandal in Financial Post magazine and several of the daily business columns. Over 200 people were fired throughout the companies divisions, and two entire offices were laid off, the properties sold on the commercial real estate market. It was a stunning blow, but all the while, Ellipsis' viruses were continuing to change the data structures of Bull's networks to a format that would let him directly into the processor core.

It was beautiful. The human's were scrambling about without a clue what was happening. Anytime someone suggested to check for hackers, his program fired the jerk. Bull stock fell through the floor around the world, dragging much of the computer industry with it. Ellipsis sent some of his stockpiled cash into the markets to stop the slide; he wanted control of the world, not its destruction. The experiment was over. At least it was an insignificant company.

"Boss! Boss! Pi seems to have become a cheese danish!"